Sunday, July 5, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
2 Years ago I was living in North Carolina, with a very domestic existence sans the weekend get-aways I was doing for circuit gigs. I was, for all intensive honesty a 100% condom user outside of my relationship.
My opportunities for sex in Raleigh NC were basically non existent due to my personal taste in men so using condoms 100% of the time was quite easy to control.
Fast forward to May 2014, Jared and I moved to Manhattan....basically the epicenter of the world. Our sexual options were/are endless...surrounded by constant availability of our idea of "dream guys in the bedroom". If you haven't lived in NYC this is hard to explain, but its one of the sexiest places on earth beside in my opinion Rio De Janeiro.
So, I found myself in bathroom stalls at parties, a orgies, at hookups edging on the verge of not using condoms all the time. Just letting people stick it in or vice versa...you know just the tip...then became the shaft, then becomes a few pumps...before one of us stops and says wait....we should be using condoms.
About the same time I was faltering on my use of condoms the dialogue of PrEP really hit social media quite hard. It seemed like daily there was a new thread or debate on PrEP vs. Condoms as a means of safe sex. I was very adiment that I was to remain a 100% condom user (lying to myself) and why would I want to take a pill when wrapping it up was so easy (again lying to myself). Granted I had not had full blown sex without a condom yet but I have very much been penetrated or the penetrator for brief moments unprotected.
So I began to read theses threads, articles, and debates being shared and discussed about PrEP. Slowly as I let myself understand the science, which being a scientist I now question why I was so slow to evolve, I knew PrEP was the right decision for me.
Then began the hard task of getting on PrEP. I live in Harlem so I first chose a local doctor in my area to speak with about starting PrEP. Disaster, not only was he living under rock but his staff was highly judgmental of my sexual behavior and lectured me about basic human impulses. They had no idea PrEP sex was safe sex. And herin lies a huge problem when you have health care professionals that selectively believe in science or don't know about the current science about gay mens sexual health-you leave the office feeling shamed. I finally got into a gay health clinic in Chelsea and was able to have honest conversations about my sexual behavior and be offered viable options....based on real science not perceived biases.
PrEP sex on its own is safe, PrEP used with condoms is a safety net, PrEP when you are rolling your tits off at a circuit party and don't know what the hell you did the next day is definitely a piece of sanity. I am speaking about the prevention of HIV transmission here and not the prevention of bacterial infections.
I am now a very happy #Prepster. Does that mean I am always having bareback sex....NO. Sex is between all the partners involved...not just you. So if you are on PrEP don't be a "bareback bully". I can't tell you the number of times I have been in group situations and there has been at least one person not on PrEP in the group that was almost ashamed to speak up and say "I would prefer you use a condom on me". No one should feel ashamed about how they want to practice safe sex. It's your responsibility as a PrEP user to present the facts and not be a bully to non-prep users about condom use.
I am sure we have all have that big feeling of regret the next day as we rush to a clinic....don't put someone else in that situation cause you want to be selfish.
Here is a really great article that presents some of the history of PrEP.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
I'm not that old, I'm 33, but I think the most important lesson I have learned is how to deal with the those little delicate heart strings....and the constant battle they face with a brain completely capable of deductive reasoning.
Prince charming doesn't exist. The fairy tale is so bogus! Perfect breath and a spritz of cologne will eventually fade to audible farts and buying a bigger bed. You won't fuck like rabbits anymore, you won't get butterflies, and sometimes you will get mad as hell.
BUT, and this is the huge but I have to offer besides the one in my rear. If you have found someone who has enough love for you to be honest even when they are going to be a big flake then hold on for dear life. The fairytale is honesty. It's having a partner who values your time, your hobbies, your space, and your passions enough to know when to step in and when to step back. It's having someone who follows through or if they can't they openly state it so you are not going to be aimlessly counting on something that isn't there. It's having someone who responds...not just when it's convenient or behoves them but responds when it solely benefits you cause thats how much they love the partner they have in you.
So if you've got that, then the grass isn't greener on the other side. You have already cut the grass and made so many bails of hay in your barn that you can survive many many winters from the hard work and effort you put into the relationship in the beginning. So use the bond, use the honesty, and explore ideas together. Don't be afraid to break the mold a little...there is no right way to have a partner except the one you and your partner define for your relationship!
Sunday, April 26, 2015
While I was in Brazil I had the chance to meet Leo Castro in Ipanema during Carnival. We didn't have the chance to work together then, but as luck would have it we were both in Miami for Winter Party at the same time. We linked up the tuesday after winter party and shot this images! Hope you like :-)
For more of Leo's work catch him here: