My opportunities for sex in Raleigh NC were basically non existent due to my personal taste in men so using condoms 100% of the time was quite easy to control.
Fast forward to May 2014, Jared and I moved to Manhattan....basically the epicenter of the world. Our sexual options were/are endless...surrounded by constant availability of our idea of "dream guys in the bedroom". If you haven't lived in NYC this is hard to explain, but its one of the sexiest places on earth beside in my opinion Rio De Janeiro.
So, I found myself in bathroom stalls at parties, a orgies, at hookups edging on the verge of not using condoms all the time. Just letting people stick it in or vice versa...you know just the tip...then became the shaft, then becomes a few pumps...before one of us stops and says wait....we should be using condoms.
About the same time I was faltering on my use of condoms the dialogue of PrEP really hit social media quite hard. It seemed like daily there was a new thread or debate on PrEP vs. Condoms as a means of safe sex. I was very adiment that I was to remain a 100% condom user (lying to myself) and why would I want to take a pill when wrapping it up was so easy (again lying to myself). Granted I had not had full blown sex without a condom yet but I have very much been penetrated or the penetrator for brief moments unprotected.
So I began to read theses threads, articles, and debates being shared and discussed about PrEP. Slowly as I let myself understand the science, which being a scientist I now question why I was so slow to evolve, I knew PrEP was the right decision for me.
Then began the hard task of getting on PrEP. I live in Harlem so I first chose a local doctor in my area to speak with about starting PrEP. Disaster, not only was he living under rock but his staff was highly judgmental of my sexual behavior and lectured me about basic human impulses. They had no idea PrEP sex was safe sex. And herin lies a huge problem when you have health care professionals that selectively believe in science or don't know about the current science about gay mens sexual health-you leave the office feeling shamed. I finally got into a gay health clinic in Chelsea and was able to have honest conversations about my sexual behavior and be offered viable options....based on real science not perceived biases.
PrEP sex on its own is safe, PrEP used with condoms is a safety net, PrEP when you are rolling your tits off at a circuit party and don't know what the hell you did the next day is definitely a piece of sanity. I am speaking about the prevention of HIV transmission here and not the prevention of bacterial infections.
I am now a very happy #Prepster. Does that mean I am always having bareback sex....NO. Sex is between all the partners involved...not just you. So if you are on PrEP don't be a "bareback bully". I can't tell you the number of times I have been in group situations and there has been at least one person not on PrEP in the group that was almost ashamed to speak up and say "I would prefer you use a condom on me". No one should feel ashamed about how they want to practice safe sex. It's your responsibility as a PrEP user to present the facts and not be a bully to non-prep users about condom use.
I am sure we have all have that big feeling of regret the next day as we rush to a clinic....don't put someone else in that situation cause you want to be selfish.
Here is a really great article that presents some of the history of PrEP.
There's also a FANTASTIC Facebook group for folks wanting more info on PrEP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/PrEPFacts/
ReplyDeleteI took PReP for about 6 months, had to stop due to the beginnings of kidney problems, a known side-effect. Make sure you get your labs and urine checked every 3 months. PReP is great, but it's not worth going into kidney failure.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you know that once you stop your kidneys return to normal. Do you also know that 98% of people who have needed to stop taking Truvada as PrEP for this reason - have been able to resume the regimen after a break with nor recurring kidney issues?
Deletewith NO recurring kidney issues.
DeletePhillip good for those that haven't had side effect issues with their kidneys, but for those who have it's not worth risking your life again just to take a dick raw.
DeleteI have a friend who I've been trying to talk into getting on Truvada for about a year. He finally decided to do it last month. But, he also had a few problems getting the prescription. He lives in a small, rural town in South Carolina. When he asked the first dr about it, they didn't even know what it was, same with the pharmacy and this was Walmart.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, after fighting with insurance and various other problems, he started taking it this past week.
So far, other than a few stomach problems and tiredness, he's doing well on it. I'm hoping that as his body gets used to it, that the side effects go away or at least lessen.
I feel so much better now, I'm not nearly as worried as I used to be. I just wish more of my friends would take this route.
I have a friend who I've been trying to talk into getting on Truvada for about a year. He finally decided to do it last month. But, he also had a few problems getting the prescription. He lives in a small, rural town in South Carolina. When he asked the first dr about it, they didn't even know what it was, same with the pharmacy and this was Walmart.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, after fighting with insurance and various other problems, he started taking it this past week.
So far, other than a few stomach problems and tiredness, he's doing well on it. I'm hoping that as his body gets used to it, that the side effects go away or at least lessen.
I feel so much better now, I'm not nearly as worried as I used to be. I just wish more of my friends would take this route.
I have a friend who I've been trying to talk into getting on Truvada for about a year. He finally decided to do it last month. But, he also had a few problems getting the prescription. He lives in a small, rural town in South Carolina. When he asked the first dr about it, they didn't even know what it was, same with the pharmacy and this was Walmart.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, after fighting with insurance and various other problems, he started taking it this past week.
So far, other than a few stomach problems and tiredness, he's doing well on it. I'm hoping that as his body gets used to it, that the side effects go away or at least lessen.
I feel so much better now, I'm not nearly as worried as I used to be. I just wish more of my friends would take this route.
Wow, what an honest testimony. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your honest story about Prep. We need more discussions on this timely topic.
ReplyDeleteIt's refreshing to see your honesty and I will probably steal your "bareback bully" label. Truvada isn't for everyone.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated your speech. I'm from Brazil and here we have CTA (Testing and Consealing Center), where professionals didn't know PrEP. There is still, even amongst them (and we are talking about a country with strong care of HIV and weaker prejudice than USA) a moral justifying to convince. Here there is a paper my professor in PhD published http://www.raco.cat/index.php/Athenea/article/viewFile/34117/33956
ReplyDeleteAlso we've been studying Isabelle Stengers' book "Une autre science est possible?" (Is another science possible?). There she speaks, not about sexual behaviour, but about the practices of scientists that use their knowlegde impositively: "don't lose time studying what's outside your subject, ot it would reveal you don't have the 'right stuff' to be a scientist. This is scientificly comprooved, accept it and learn". But you can't learn if you don't study it as a carreer, not enought to be able to study differently. This lead to dissident isolation, those religious ones, for example, that, when the industries disagree with the exigences science tooks, the can feed the scepticisme. In the end scientists not only isolate the "amateurs", but are isolated from society. People don't know why they support every scientifical statements. So they can go aganist some of them. PrEPs bring peoples' interest and often pacients are more aware than its doctors, thanks to internet. People ask for them, people criticize their use and divulgation associating homossexuality and promiscuity. It's not like: don't bother we scientists, we're studying uninterestly. People can act to justify studies, not only industry's money, tools and scientists' knowledge. Thanks for your writing. If you want to contact me, my facebook is Arthur Galvão Serra. I might use this speech of yours in discussions and studies. Since you published in your blog, in Brazil it's OK to use in research and report its origin. Thanks.
Interesting article. Never heard about PrEP. That's something I gotta learn about it.
ReplyDelete"before one of us stops and says wait....we should be using condoms." Dayum, I know many men don't like the condoms, but they'd go that far to infect the partner without telling the truth which it's very sad.
I once had a huge quarrel with my ex-friend who lives with HIV+. He said he'll go full blown sex without condoms and if his partner get it from him. That's lies to partner's problem. I wholeheartedly disagreed with my ex-friend. I told him he's 100% responsible to take care and let his partner know about it. Sadly, my ex-friend was a such hard head (Of course, he's Taurus!) and was very bitter because he felt that he got HIV+ from his former roommate whom I considered very "slut" in group sex. He decided to go ahead without telling his partner that he has it. ~sigh~ Oh well. Last time I heard about him, he's still very, very bitter and angry.
I have NEVER tried group sex because I was afraid of these men who would NOT telling me the truth if anyone of them have it or not because everyone want sex.
We all love sex, don't we? :P Know what sad part? I wouldn't want to have sex with you, Seth. Even you're hottie redhead. :oX I rather to have you as my friend, instead. :)
This might sound stupid, but all I've read about PrEP is your blog and the link you included. What about women? Can we not take this to keep from getting HIV from an irresponsible guy like GingerDavid68 mentioned her ex-friend was? We are like guys, too, and would rather be skin on skin.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting and honest opinion about PrEP Seth, I love it! I too have been living in NYC the past 2 years and have come across all this information that you spoke about. Never had the experience of a doc in NYC not knowing about Prep, as I went to a Chelsea Clinic right away. Astonishes me to hear that even in NYC there is ignorant people in docs offices but I´ve had a bit of my own bully experiences that went kinda in this direction, even in Chelsea. Living back in Germany now, I have to say, no one ever knows or hears about PrEP, it is not even mentioned or offered here as a preventative medication. It is really another world here, even though it is highly developed Germany, but sadly people still get infected because they don´t know about it. I live in a relationship for almost 20 years. My partner is HIV negative and discovered PrEP in New York for him, just as you did. He had a blast and loved it, we too have an open relationship. Now back in Germany we both feel like we should have never left New York. Its the second week back that I am writing this. I appreciate you advocating about this issue! I really feel there is not enough people in this world to speak up about this and put things REALLY straight. And one more thing, all these guys in New York I´ve met, and I´ve met quite a lot, and don´t know about PrEP, because they are married with kids, discrete, whatever, are at risk. A risk that they should actually never take! And getting to inform that crowd better is next to impossible, because of the hidden lives they live.
ReplyDeleteSeth you are unbelievable... I've dealt with living in a promiscuous city too... And the dream boys...I still cannot say...it was worth it.
ReplyDelete