Have you ever looked a picture, smelled a meal, watched a sunrise, felt a blanket, or listened to a song and felt the distance. The distance between you at present and the last time you had that same feeling. Its an odd experience because sometimes so much can happen in that distance. Especially if it was a picture of your Mom when she was growing up, a cup of coffee that your dad would brew, the sun coming up over a lake like in college, a blanket your grandmother made, or song that you loved when you were in love.
One day its all going to be over and the distance will close. You will become a single time point in the distance of other people. I contemplated this last night and it made me sad. We are all so beautiful in so many ways and the fact that one day we will take our last breath makes me want to cry. The pure joy of a hug, a nice meal, a road trip with the windows down, seeing your best friend happy, laying in the grass, or watching seeds you planted come up. It inevitably ends.
I don't want it to end. Life is too grand. Interacting with life is too much fun for it to be over. There has to be another side, another way to live on in some form. I want to light up and run for my life, have hope for all the ones I hold dear, if only I had the choice, I can't hear the voice of my Mawmaw but I know she is there. I want to grow only louder and love more....I am not ready to lay and die...not now and I don't think ever.