Hope and Mobile

This Christmas season gave me a lot to reflect on.  More than anything else I thought about all the people that played a part in my journey.  Mostly I thought about my relatives.

 I Thought about my grandmother, who grew up picking cotton, had 7 children, an alcoholic husband and still managed to hold herself together.  I know she worked hard her entire life and wanted the best for her kids, her grandkids, and her great grandchildren.

I think about my other grandmother, born in a small one room house in rural Mississippi, dairy farmer her whole life, garden center business women, mother of two and even until her death mowed her own grass as a 77 year old woman.

When I think about these two strong women, it makes me wonder what their hope for the future of their bloodline was.  Was it their hope that their children would exceed their footsteps.  The difference between my Mom's side and my Dad's side is unbelievable.

 My Dad's side grew up very privileged, large family, plenty of money due to a brilliant but alcoholic father, and for the most part they are train wrecks.  Most bounce around from one shitty career to another and mooch every last dime from my grandmother until they have almost broke her.  Her who spent her entire life working now has to live with supporting grown children that continually beg her for bailouts.  And when I say bailouts I do mean at times Jail.

My grandmother on my Dad's side was basically the Cadillac of Angie Louisiana.  Albeit in a town of 240 thats not hard to do but she was very Queen Elizabeth.  Every year from birth I have gotten a check for $100 dollars each Christmas.  Its something she did for all 20 grandkids and gave all 7 children $500 each. Thats $5500 just in Christmas cash they she shelled out every year for the last 28 years I have been alive.  Not to mention all the gifts.

I don't need money from her, but this year her card in the mail contained $25 dollars.  I would have been just as happy with a card or phone call but she thinks she must send money, and it makes me sad to see what she has been "reduced" and "drained" to by her children who can't get their own shit together.

I know she is embarrassed and probably just wants to throw her hands up with it all.

On the other hand, my Mom's side of the family is totally different.   From poverty they have risen to the top of the food chain in Washington Parish and could buy and sell most people in a heartbeat.

Then another unique happenstance is that my dad and my mom found each other.  Fiscally like minded and totally self sufficient-built wealth out of dirt and could buy their life over and over with cash.

So how from the same blood does this happen, how does 2 or 3 succeed while 5 or 6 slack back not improving on the past generation.

Where am I going with all this.  Well this Christmas got me to thinking.  I am 28, if I want something I can buy it.  If I wanna go somewhere I go.   My life is filled with incredible thoughtful educated friends, people of genuine abilities and strengths.  People upwardly mobile in this life and going wherever they want to and designing their life to be as fabulous as they please.  I feel truly blessed that by some luck of the draw I was not content to just hang around as a young adult.

I definitely had great role models as parents.  And I can say that with my immediate bloodline I have watched from grandparent, to parent, to son it does "get better".  Each generation has learned from its predecessor, became more and more educated, built and built upon wealth (added to not drained), become more and more well traveled, and fluent in this global market and social world.

And this Christmas as I went from potluck to potluck.  Hug to hug, card to card, and the beautiful clank of cocktails with dear friends I began to feel more connected than ever to my blood.  For in it is every experience handed down and molding in to a continuum of it self as we go on.

So I want to say thanks to all those that are still alive and those that have passed on that are part of my DNA.   All of you have helped me move up and up and if I ever pass on my genetic code I know that my offspring will even have a better life than I.  I know you sacrificed and worked day in and day and to make your own life better and I saw that and will continue to live by that example.   You succeeded....my life is amazing...and I am glad somewhere deep inside me you are a part of this continuing journey of our blood.

-Seth

Front House Glitz and Glam Back House Grunge

I decided to try something new out this year.  Basically its called GoGo Dancing, or a fancy word for putting on some cute briefs, socks, and spunky shoes...decorating your arms with bands and dancing on the tops of bars for money.

Whats unique about this is....my whole life...well my first gay bar experiences were filled with my admiration for GoGo Boys.   The style, the attention they got, their physique.  I remember when I was about 18 running wild on Bourbon Street...peaking in the windows of two clubs on the corner of St. Ann...staring at the beautiful men in the briefs...too afraid to enter...I told myself one day I would be there.  One day I would have the courage to live without sexual boundaries.

I full filled my one of my little gay boy goals this summer and became a GoGo dancer at some of the South's landmark gay clubs.  It is fun.  The money is nothing to brag about, you can expect to make about $50 per hour average....probably more if you do it on a big circuit event.

What I did not know was the glamour stops after they jump off the bar.

Clubs are completely about illusion.  In broad daylight clubs would look totally different.  And when that fella jumps off the bar and goes to that un-detected door and enters the "back" of the house...its a whole new story.  From Nola to ATL to DC....front house glitz is a 180 from back house grunge. 

But at the same time thats part of the fun of it...you get to see both sides of the club.  There is the part of getting ready.  You won't be the only fella dancing that night.  You will be among others that have traveled for the hope of $1's and $5's and the occasional $20.  So don't expect a fancy dressing room.  You may be in the broom closet, or an old storage room, or staff bathroom on the third floor with a slanted ceiling so you have to duck the whole time your fluffing.

Don't expect privacy.  You will all be in there together, swapping out briefs, re-doing your cock ring, re-fluffing, flexing, etc....getting ready for the next 55 minutes on the box.  Whats more fun...is the honesty....you will get off your shift and stuff all your wads of money into your bag...which is incidentally in the same room as theirs....and there is kinda an unspoken honor code.  Once I was sharing a small bathroom with 3 other guys.  I was sure my money would be stolen but to my surprise my stuff was left completely alone.

The other amazing part is you become part of the "landscape" of the club.  After you leave the "back" of the house....or the motor of the club.....you have to change gears and enter "Front" house Glam!  You become interwoven in the fabric that gives the club is soul and heartbeat.  Patrons expect you to be there, smiling, seducing them.....making it fun for "them" to give you a dollar.  What I have found to be more effective than anything is personality.  Sometimes its not the best looking dancer that makes the most but the one with the right amount of spunk, sparkle in his eye, and willingness to bend over and actually talk the person tipping him and make them fell good on their night out.

If you start to have so much fun you wish you were down off the bar dancing with the patrons....then you are doing your job right.

So Good luck if you choose to give it a try.  Its fun, rewarding, and you get to meet some of the older gays that have made that famous club beat for so many years.

Someone

Its been a while since I had someone.  I have amazing friends I love with all my heart.  I am speaking about a crush.  A crush that I could just call up and drive over and see at a moments notice.

I have forgotten what it felt like to slowly lean in on someone, bodies touching....approach their lips, make-out to the point of animalistic arousal-but with an enduring quality of genuinely liking them and feeling something for them.

Sure hooking up is fine, but you know whats really hot sometimes...taking the time to buy a new shirt, take a shower and really try to look ones best....cause you have a crush.

I have not felt like having a crush since Feb 2010...but I find myself more and more this winter wanting to have someone to get hot chocolate with...watch a movie in bed...dance and get drunk together....and then kiss.

Alas......I am the only thing standing in the way of making this happen...I just gotta get out there and find him.

The human body does not have to be taboo...

Where do I go from 28

I am 28...I have lived in Raleigh for 4 years.   Where do I go from here?   What is next?  I have definitely outgrown what this wonderful place has to offer.  What saddens me is the people I may leave behind.  I have really been blessed with a core group of people in Raleigh that I trust, love, and hold dear in so many ways.   But life cannot stop and other discoveries must be made, thus I believe it is time I exit the scene.

I need dirt, soul, history.....a kinda of grunge-voodoo...a heartbeat.  I need cultural resources and traditions...I need seafood and accents....I need brick, iron work, gulf breezes....I need the deep dark mysterious dirty South.  Raleigh is made up of transplants from all over the country all coming for one thing and that is the great jobs/education.  These jobs are all science and engineering based and it has driven the art out of the city.

What that has left Raleigh with is a liberal leaning social attitude toward civil rights while holding on to a staunch/conservative/uptight feel.   I have yet to see a back room at a nightclub here, or people dancing to beats-jock straps exposed.   This is gay without the pure sexual raunch.  I am not a new construction/cookie cutter/I need smooth black pavement with no potholes type of person.  I want a city with a heartbeat...a city that rumbles alive with history...a city that smells of coffee, piss, gumbo, and sex!

Me to We

My first word, my first step, I learned to ride a bike, I graduated kindergarten-high school-college, I got a driver's license, I wanna be this when I grow up, I, me, my! From the moment we arrive on this planet its all geared to me and my. Parents, teachers, mentors strive to incorporate ethic and self accomplishment into the minds of young people. Be independent-make your own way-stand on your own too feet-design your own life.

Then just around the corner comes the pull on those oh so powerful little heart strings. This from "me to we" phenomenon that happens when we reach adulthood. As we are programed to be singular we somehow strive for plurality and desire a "we" aspect to share our incredible "me's" with!

How does this work and how do you decide to give up the "me" for the "we". How do you give up the flirt, the freedom, the excitement and anomaly of each new "me" you might discover and settle on a "we" for life?

Its complicated and I have no clue. Each time I think about the "we" some exciting new opportunity for the "me" comes up and so the inner mind battle begins. But my approach is going to be this, before I agree to a "we" the other "me" is going to have to be ok with the crazy me that comes with it ;-)

Crossdressing Kids

I just read a blog posted by a mother of a 5 year old boy. Her son decided to go as a female Scooby Doo character Daphne.

When he arrived at his pre-school it was not the kids that had the problem it was the parents. Other Mom's privately talked to her and asked how in the world she could let him dress like that.

You know what....those Mom's are the problem....Those parents are the reason their kids will grow up to be Dipshit bullies....those parents are the reason the creativity of America will be stifled to boredom. How dare they get appalled at his choice of Halloween costume.

Its perfectly ok, and if he decides to change genders at an early age...even better...he can to it before his masculine appearance takes over and will look even more fierce as a trans woman!

How Dare dumbass parents critique a progressive Mom's decision to let her 5 year old son dress as a woman for Halloween.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sick of stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One day I will be a parent and my family will be the most judegmental free zone on earth...if ya want blue hair fine, tattoo fine, piercing fine...however if you want to bully other kids because they are different...get outta my house!

The Fairy Friend in the Sky

Yesterday I was driving home and I was tired of my normal music. So I scanned the radio and settled on a christian praise and worship station. It was easy listening, it was raining outside and it fit the mood of the drive.

I began to listen to each and every word of each passing song. They all had one theme in common. This world-these people-this present does not matter-I lean only on you Jesus and look forward to the day I die so I can spend eternity frolicking in the clouds.

You see what happens is the following. I am speaking from experience cause the first 22 years of my life I was a cold hard Christian that was at the door each time the praise and worship hall opened. These groups of people who like each other gather in large settings. Musicians, speakers, and motivators create euphoric ambiances with sound, light, and silence. Humans close their eyes, hold their hands to the Lord and begin to feel a presence an inner spiritual uplifting they attribute to their fairy friend in the sky. However this presence is actually created by the people around them-the people they could reach over and hug and be happy to be alive with, but instead they hold their hand to the air, to intangible matter.

Oct. 10th of this year I was at a Club called Opera in Atlanta GA. It was a Sunday night, the end of PRIDE weekend and everyone was in an amazing mood. The setting was perfect, the men smiling, the lights heavenly, and the music was so moving I could feel it in my blood. As I looked around I saw hundreds of gay men dancing, hugging each other, smiling, having a total other world like experience. The only difference I have found in a gay circuit party and a praise and worship service is this. You can either look to your fellow human being and Know that this feeling is created by all of you loving each other in unison or you can close your eyes and attribute it all to your fairy friend in the sky.

Na'vi turned out FUN! But so help me Lord next Halloween I am gonna be something that does not involved paint or makeup!

Grass Seed

Did I mention I love agriculture. Whether its ornamental or for food I love planting stuff! I already seeded my front yard with tall fescue for this fall and spring and its looking great! The evening after the gym I am gonna go home and seed the backyard with annual rye!

I want it to look like this again!

Halloween 2010

So one thing you may not know about me is that I have a real passion for dressing up/costuming in. Maybe its because I was born and raised in Louisiana and we have a rich and decadent history of parading and costuming. I dunno, its just in my blood for the spectacle.

So this year for Halloween I am going to be a Navi from Avatar. I have a friend who owns an airbrushing studio that has said she could make me blue! I recently completed making my Navi Wig. There is a weave shop on Capital Blvd close to my house, so I bought packs of hair and glued them onto a stocking cap.

I have posted some pics of the final piece....next this week I am going to be making a loin cloth out of deer hide.

Watering

I just have to rant about this! I am so sick of seeing people spraying plants and grass. My neighbor will spray his lawn for 5 minutes and he thinks he has watered it. No mam....watering turf or bedding plants means soaking the soil beneath the plant to promote deep healthy root growth. Where did people learn this goofy ridiculous behavior of spraying plants like they need a shower and considering it watering....ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010

I am so excited about twenty ten. I have lived a long time now...spent 18 years on a small town of 240 people. Thats right 240 people. I lived a very agrarian lifestyle for the first 18 years. A life of grass fed beef, which apparently is all the rage with the foodies these days! I then spent four years studying, rowing, and growing up in college. Gosh those days were amazing, two good friends of mine Dave and Rich rented a small bungalow in Natchitoches. I remember spend hours on that porch just talking about stuff.
After college with no job and now direction I went to grad school and got a masters in chemistry...WTF?!?! Turns out it was a good decision now I am rich! No, not really but living a very comfortable life and when I say comfortable I mean buying aveeno lotion instead of equate!
Now its 2010 and I can't wait to bust this year up. I have already went to Vegas, went to a wrestling training camp and January is not even over. I just kinda love living and all this world brings. Tonight it is snowing. I have the day off tomorrow, plenty of coffee, eggs, sausage, and biscuit so Sat here I come!
love,
seth

This Guy

I guess I should start by introducing this guy! His name is Garrett (on the left) and for the last 2 years he has been my waking world. Probably a lot of this blog will be about our adventures together.






We actually met on craigslist and fell in love. I always had this crazy romantic scenario of I would meet my lover and craigslist never even came into the picture. But life has different plans and my o my has it been wonderful!

I want to share.

So I thought about starting a blog for quite some time. I have lots of ideas, whether it be fitness, home improvement, gardening, chicken keeping, traveling, or just general mischief-I have lots to share. So here I go!